I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
