I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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