he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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