just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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