Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
