I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
