Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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