I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
