Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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