i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
