dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
