Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
BRING THE BAGELS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
