How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
