90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
