After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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