i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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