This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
