Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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