I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
