I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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