i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
