i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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