On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
