Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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