I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't deserve a penis
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
