i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
