Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
