It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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