I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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