was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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