Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
