He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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