you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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