im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
