Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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