i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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