i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
