True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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