JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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