My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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