Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
