but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
