I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I intend to get homeless drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
