4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
