If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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