she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
