Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
