also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
