This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
