We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
