He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
